Gained some; lost some

Are you ready to read? This will be by far one of the most emotional post. I went through so much today.

It was just overwhelming and idky I am constantly screwing my life up. Idky I am always whining and complaining. Idky I am lousy and such and throw bullshit to people who care a tonne.

I am really damn mad at myself, I swear. There is absolutely no reason why they stayed around for all these years when I'm just an irritating bitch. Dumb, not caring, not funny, no talent, not quite cute nor ms nice nor fun.... :( But they did.

Seven years, officially, they stayed. They grew up with me, they laughed and cried with me, they love me.

Why? I'm not that sure. But I am thankful I got these walls around me; my comfort zone.

I was so afraid of losing them. Do you know? I hope I really got it across. It really makes me feel down and extremely negative when I cherish the person/people so much but they don't seem to care as much. Yes, that's when everything got me down. (I'm pretty lousy I know). I will probably give you shit (there's a tiny voice inside me telling me to stop, but can't).

It's as though, the more I cherish a person, the harder it is for me to bring it across to him/her and it makes me so frustrated and I will start all my shitty stuff and blah.

That is probably why I had so much failed relationships too. Meh. Y u no get it? Hahaha!

Anyway, i am super duper thankful.

The whole thing brought me closer to them. I hope you feel the same too my dearests.

It was super comforting when tiffy gave me a little pat on my shoulder, or back. Can't remember. It meant a lot. I connect really well with people physically. I always thought so too.

Ok this is one of my secrets la! Very wrong to say out but ya.

It gives me comfort when people and I touch. (when I am down, angry etc?)

I guess no one really knows but a hug would probably stop all my nonsense. Hehe. But please don't exploit if not no use :P

It was heart rending to see shimei crying, for me. I should never make this girl cry.
I just held on to her and her grip was strong.

I held on harder and she did too. You know how.. It feels? To me, it means.. You don't wanna lose me as much as I do.
Damn touched at that instant. Like damn damn type.
Ahh I'm a physical person-___-

Taurus connects through their 5 senses. I agree, a lot.

I love pretty things, soothing music, different textures on my skin, perfumes etc.

Now do you feel like you know me slightly better? ^^

I am sorry I gave you shit. Liting tried talking to me. Weiloke er tried offering me sweet la ok. They tried so much do hard yet im still immature blah blah I'm really... Slap myself 1000 times please.

I said all I felt, so much fears and so much anger in 2011. Hurt you guys in 2011. 2012, I will be a better girl. A more useful person. Not just someone that weighs my friends down.

Once again, I love you so much.
Sorry I exploited the words but then again, I can't find a replacement for how I feel towards you. Xo

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